Suspected killer nurse Lucy Letby sobbed in the dock as the jury was shown photos of her bedroom, including handwritten notes found inside stating, ‘I am a horrible evil person’ and ‘I am evil I did this’.
She wiped away tears as they were displayed during her trial at Manchester Crown Court, where she denies murdering seven babies and attempting to murder 10 others between June 2015 and June 2016.
Jurors heard Letby, 33, was first arrested at her three-bedroom property in Chester, at 6am on July 3, 2018 – two years after she worked her last shift at the Countess of Chester Hospital’s neonatal unit.
Prosecutor Philip Astbury said a 2016 diary was found in one of the drawers containing the initials of babies she is accused of attacking next to the dates they are said to have taken place.
A reference to ‘twins’ was recorded for April 8, the date of birth for two twin boys Letby allegedly attempted to murder.
On April 9, a note stating ‘twin resus’ was made.
Further entries on June 23, 24 and 25 included initial letters relating to three other babies, including two triplet boys, she allegedly attacked on those dates following her return from a holiday to Ibiza.
Mr Astbury said a green Post-it note, shown to jurors at the start of Letby’s trial, was found inside the diary.
Part of it read ‘I don’t deserve to live. I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough to care for them’, ‘I am a horrible evil person’ and in capital letters ‘I am evil I did this’.
An A4-size piece of paper containing similarly jumbled handwritten notes was also found in the diary, the court heard.
One sentence read: ‘I killed them. I don’t know if I killed them. Maybe I did. Maybe this is down to me.’
The words ‘kill me’ written in bold and circled could also be seen.
Three handwritten notes were also recovered by police from one of the handbags.
They contained closely written words which filled the pages and included declarations of love for a doctor colleague, who cannot be identified for legal reasons.
Next to his name was ‘I loved you’ and ‘my best friend’.
Also contained in the notes were the words ‘Help Me’, ‘I Can’t Do This Any More’ and ‘How Can Life Be This Way’.
In his opening speech, Ben Myers KC, defending, told jurors the Post-it note was the ‘anguished outpouring of a young woman’.
He added Letby was at the time ‘in fear and despair when she realises the enormity of what’s being said about her, in the moment, to herself’.
Letby denies all the allegations. Her trial continues.
