A series of handwritten notes found at the home of killer nurse Lucy Letby were presented to the jury during her trial.
On Friday afternoon, Letby, 33, was found guilty of murdering seven babies and trying to kill six others in the Countess of Chester Hospital neonatal ward.
She was first arrested at her three-bedroom home in Westbourne Road, Chester, in July 2018.
Among items recovered were a diary, a post-it note, and several scraps of paper covered with closely scrawled words, sentences, and drawings.
Jurors heard the 2016 diary contained the initials of babies she was later found guilty of attacking next to the dates they are said to have taken place.
On a green post-it note was written: ‘I don’t deserve to live. I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough to care for them’, ‘I am a horrible evil person’ and in capital letters ‘I am evil I did this’.
An A4-size piece of paper containing similarly jumbled handwritten notes was also found in the diary, the court heard.
One sentence read: ‘I killed them. I don’t know if I killed them. Maybe I did. Maybe this is down to me.’
The words ‘kill me’ written in bold and circled could also be seen.
Others appeared incoherent but two phrases repeatedly used were ‘Please help me’ and ‘I can’t do it any more’, the court heard.
One sentence read: ‘No one will ever understand or appreciate what it’s like’, while another said: ‘I want someone to help me but they can’t so what’s the point in asking. Hate my life.’
Names of some of her colleagues also appeared in the notes – partly redacted – including a declaration of love for a doctor who cannot be identified for legal reasons.
Next to his name was written the words ‘I loved you’ and ‘my best friend’.
MORE : Moment handcuffed killer nurse Lucy Letby is arrested at home in her pyjamas
MORE : Lucy Letby’s chilling mugshot released as she faces life for baby killing spree
